Life has been lonely for me since last meeting with my dear friends in Kasaulli. I came back but I left my heart there. I am here but my attention is to how to get her back. Though we have exchange contacts but no attempt have been made from both sides so far. I’m expecting her to make first move despite the fact that she is girl. But I’ve my reasons to not to make call since she said she had been move on and have someone in her life. But her body language didn’t seem that she is happy. I try to fathom what’s in her heart but you know it is very hard to know about the girl that what’s going on in her mind at the moment. Some time I think I should take a step ahead and call her but next moments something inside me prevents me from doing this. And I don’t know why I prevent my feeling and emotions whenever she comes and see me. I think whether I’m arrogant or too shy to render my feelings.
I’ve face this issue many time before and still not in control. I often become rigid or emotionless when it matter the most to render the feeling or to make someone feel what felt at that moment. I’m still alone despite many prospects in line.
Yeah! I pray to God to have mercy on me. But I know it is my own sole intention which prevents me from taking further step. Either I’m shying away from taking responsibilities or a fear of no which can disturb me for long. I don’t know; what it is? Whenever I think that now my life is going smooth and hardly any hurdle can unsettled me for bad luck something, somehow happen or arrive to haunt me.
Gradually I’m detaching myself from this world and people from this world; and developing in someone who really want to live alone when among the friends or people and when alone…think of someone who could accompany me all the time throughout of my life. But when I got any opportunity I lost as usual.
Sometime I think where I’m leading my life to; whether to better or worst.
The biggest question?